Poetry · Uncategorized

My Conflict of Love and Life

It is a truth, that despite being raised in the convivial legion  I call my family

I have always sought to be on my own, to daydream, to think, and to simply be.

It is not a question of whether I love or enjoy their company,

Because they are the most treasured of people to me.

But when I am on my own, I can breathe again. I’m not like an escapee

Because I do not need to be away from them to breathe freely.

And yet, my dreams are all about being far away in an unknown city…

perhaps it is the side of me that despises stillness or as I call it being dreary,

may hap it is only because I am afraid of becoming lost in all the debris

or maybe it is that I believe that far away there is something for me

It is a cliché to think something is out there for me

but I cannot help but wonder what it could possibly be.

So could it be that I enjoy being alone, because one day I will have to be lonely?

If that is true I will hold my family dear and dearer still and love them freely

Because they will always be held in the most precious of degree.

I never want to regret hiding away from the people who love me,

However, I will enjoy being a sad, lonely soul for that is how I am free.

So I will be here and home, but, at the same time far away vicariously.

So if you see me, standing off a little ways, let me be

I stand off to daydream, think, and breathe freely

So let me pretend I’m a land logged sailor breathing in the sea

Let me imagine I’m some sort of warrior walking through my saved country.

I’m sure that has nothing to do with my calling but I find it complementary…

And don’t you worry, I know those thoughts can only be imaginary

But I think these dreams and ideas of this mind of mine are lovely.

I will do my best to not let them take me away no matter how sightly.

And bide my time here with the convivial legion I call my family.

 

Julie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements
Poetry · Uncategorized

It Has Already Begun

“So when are you gonna do something with your life?”

“Are you planning on doing anything?”

“You should work on studying on becoming a good wife.”

Yeah, I am planning on doing something.

And when I do that I’ll be planning something else.

You’re older than me, shouldn’t you get this by now?

Life moves fast and with stealth.

It weighs on your shoulders and brow.

My life started the day I was born,

I am living now and working on a goal

If you think my life is something to mourn,

that won’t bother this living soul.

You see, all I do is study, work, and play

is that not enough of a life? Should I not be proud?

Then I don’t know what you want me to say.

Yes, I don’t go out much. I’m terrified of a crowd.

Yes, I get depressed some days, and anxious on the other

Yes, I am not as far advanced as I should like to be

But I am the only person who that should bother

I don’t know if you can, but I’m gonna try to make you see

That my life began a long time ago for me,

and I have been living my life since that day

Yes there is so much that I want to be

But I refuse to wait until someday.

I will be happy with my mediocre life as you say,

because I understand that life passes by

whether you are living everyday on the edge of the highway

or whether you live in between low and high.

I am living now, and if you think I’m not,

that is your problem and not mine.

So I will work on what cannot be bought

but never stop living this life of mine.

Because, I have lived a thousand lives

and I have been a thousand people.

I’ve done things, like flying a dragon while throwing knives

I’ve climbed towers and steeples.

I have died quite a few times as well,

sometimes by old age, execution, or even a death spell.

However, it is this life that I get to decide,

and I have decided I want to live it well.

If you don’t understand this, don’t chide.

I am living different from you, and that’s okay.

Different lives make this place more interesting.

So I’ll make goals but I will live for today

So yes, I am doing something with my life. I’m living.

 

 

-Julie

(I have asked myself  When will life begin? too many times. Life began years ago and all I have been doing is sitting around waiting for it to do something. Life has already started and I am going to enjoy it, because life is a frail thing. I wish you all a good day (=

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Poetry · Uncategorized

Half of my Soul

Half of my soul resides where I have never been.

Half of my soul has seen things, I have never seen.

Half of my soul has done what I have never done,

And if I see it, you know where I will run.

Half of my soul is in a pain that I have never felt,

Half of my soul is battling demons that I’ve never been dealt,

Half of my soul is on the other side,

And I am here, on this side.

I cannot hold them to comfort them, no

I can only use words because I can’t go.

I hurt when you hurt, you know

I want so badly to comfort you when you’re low.

You are more to me than you think you are.

Because even though you prefer a cloud and I prefer a star,

we both live in our heads like the introverts we are.

And even though you live way too far

we still have managed to be closer than most

and that is an accomplish that we can boast.

So it is okay to tell me you’re fighting your demons

I’ll send you words that you can use as guns.

So it is okay to tell me that you are not strong enough,

I’ll pray for you till you can call your own bluff

So it is alright to break down and cry

We all do, so don’t you dare lie.

Don’t think it is better to hide from me,

I want to stand by you, don’t you see?

You don’t want to bring my mood down

You are worried that I’ll carry you and drown.

And I understand it is because you care for me as well,

but I’m not carrying you, I’m simply walking with you through hell.

I know better than to take your burdens as my own

because we both know there are burdens I must carry alone.

But I will carry mine next to you,

and we can help each other through.

Because Darling, seeing you fight strong everyday

helps me remember that we will win someday.

So let me cry with you, because you do the same

and don’t look at you tears as weakness and shame.

Tears are just as much a sign of a war as blood is

and you will slay like a warrior victorious.

You are not weak, my dear friend, you are not

A weak person would never have lifted their sword and fought.

So struggle on, dear one

and hold my hand till your was is won.

 

Julie

My friend, whom I have dubbed as “Penguin”, lives through so much, and hates to “burden” me with it all. I just really want her to know that she is struggling through something important and I wouldn’t deserve to be her friend if I didn’t care. She writes it off as small, but she is a conqueror and I am proud of her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Poetry · Uncategorized

The Sun Made Me Smile

I am a dreamer of the depressing kind

I am an old soul with a romantic mind.

I am compelled to the sad gothic nights

And the mysterious and dreadful sights.

But this morning, for the first time in a while

the sun made me smile.

The sky was bright, yet the moon was still in the sky

I smiled when I thought of the reasons why.

Because my first thought was maybe, just maybe

The moon is what the sun wanted us to see.

Perhaps the sun took so long to rise

to give the moon her time to say good byes.

I normally see the moon and sun as rivals

who are competing for their own revivals.

But today I realized true love shines and ignites

the ones whose beams it falls upon and lights

their hearts, souls and it shows in their very being.

And that is what I was seeing

when I woke to leave and saw the moon

still shining five hours away from noon.

Today the sun was just as much a romantic as I,

as I imagined all of this with a contented sigh.

 

-Julie

 

 

Poetry · Uncategorized

It Is All In My Head

Too many times I’ve been told to get over it,

that all my problems are in my head.

And guess what? You are right, a little bit.

It is all in my head.

It’s a tumor that lives in my mind,

you think it’s nothing because there is no cure,

because it isn’t something an ex-ray can find.

but it is still a painful thing for me to endure.

It’s all in my head? I don’t think you get it!

That’s the problem! It is in my head!

That is not even close to something I won’t admit.

I don’t want it there!! If it stays I am dead.

You see, it is all in my head, in my mind, in my brain.

But it is trying to kill me.

Don’t tell me this isn’t real pain,

because if it were up to me, this thing would let me be.

It is all in my head, but not my imagination.

It is all in my thoughts, but not my own creation.

I get that everyone gets down every once and a while

and maybe, for some, life gets better when you smile

but right now, I just need you to pretend I am a little child

and hold me for a little while.

Because it is in my head, hurting me

and I just want to be comforted or let be.

 

Poetry · Uncategorized

I Pity You

I never understood the way you treated me.

You see, I always wanted to let people be.

I learned early that some people are just barely hanging on.

I learned because I am just barely hanging on.

You never seemed to get what I fought.

You never seemed to understand the way I thought.

you never had a problem telling me I was wrong.

You never hesitated to tell me I’ve been mislead all along.

But I know you, you don’t try to tear me down.

But even though I know you, you still tear me down.

I got to a point where I stopped confiding in you

because you’ve always hurt me the way you do.

I began to think I didn’t have the right

to struggle because you said my burden was light.

It is light, you said, because it is all in your head.

So I cried myself to sleep at night with my burden on my bed.

I believed I did not have the right to struggle so

I’d hear your words like chanting crows, you know.

This is all just mind play, you are actually fine.

Just shake your head, all is well, sit down and dine.

I used to hate this mind of mine, because I couldn’t grasp

How you managed to control your head in an iron clasp.

And then I realized that we aren’t battling the same enemy

Because I am not you, and you are not me.

You told me to fence with my broad sword

and didn’t get why my muscles roared.

I get it now, you know, but you won’t listen when I say

You fight with a broad sword a much different way.

So, I won’t take your advice when you put it in my hand

because we both have different ways we must stand.

I’ve tried to understand the way you think

I’ve tried to let all of your words connect and link

and I get now the problem behind it all

you really thought yours was the only battle that was not small.

And I pity you for that, I really do.

Because we are all fighting our hardest battles too.

It’s obvious now that you cannot see

the people around you fighting courageously.

I get why you say just stand up now

Because these demons have never made you bow.

I get why you do not forgive easily

because you don’t see people as soldier fighting strongly

just as people struggling with what you see

as half the  struggle that you face daily.

 

-Julie+

 

Uncategorized

Still Yet

I do not believe in Fairy beings

I do not believe in Fairies as creature like things

I do not believe in Fairies as physical forms

I do not believe in Fairies as insect swarms

Still yet, I believe in Fairies.

/

I do not believe in Magic as spells

I do not believe in Magic as wishing wells

I do not believe in Magic as wizards

I do not believe in Magic as fire birds

Still yet, I believe in Magic.

/

How can I believe such a thing?

My rational mind is always inquiring.

How can you believe such nonsense?

My logical side constantly questions

Still yet, I believe in such things.

/

Because I play my music in my ear

But the song playing is not what I hear.

Because I look up at the sky, brilliant and starry

But it is not what I see.

Still yet, I am here.

/

I believe in Fairies as moments in time

I believe in Fairies as sounds like a chime.

I believe in Magic as precious memories

I believe in Magic as calm after stormy seas.

I believe in Fairies as wind in my hair

I believe in Magic as laughter in the air.

Do you understand now why I say still yet.

 

 

Julie K.

Happy New year everyone! I pray your year is full of Fairies and Magic!